The struggles of a neurodivergent creator in a STRENGTH year.

Written By Ashley Miller

Strength card- Tarot | Familiars | Mental Health | Spirituality | Ancestral Work

In the study of tarot, every year has a teacher card, or a card of the year. 2024’s card of the year is the Strength card. The Strength card is the eighth card in the major arcana; 2+2+4= 8. The Strength card depicts a fem being leaning over a lion with their hands placed gently on their mouth & head, almost caressing the lion, taming them with gentleness. She/they have an infinity symbol above their head, signifying they have a limitless connection with a higher power; one of balance with the lion, also symbolized by the roses that adorn her.

Strength Card Symbolism: Courage, Determination, Overcoming/managing a struggle with compassion & tenderness.

This archetype has manifested in my life, this year, in multiple ways already; literally and metaphorically. My partner and I have gained a new member of our household; her name is ~Pot Roast~. She’s an 8-month-old all-black kitty with golden green eyes. She’s perfect, and I’m obsessed with her already. She’s a sweet, yet feisty kitten; rambunctious and full of that kitten energy! We couldn’t be happier trying to keep up with her.

My first familiar was also an all-black cat, with vivid green eyes, named Bat. She had been living in the apartment complex I had moved into with a random roommate. Her owner often left her neglected, allowing me time to look after her; long enough that we formed a connection and attachment with one another. My roommate eventually offered for me to take her with me when I moved out. I, without hesitation, said yes! I like to think that she was my little spirit guide. Bat and I grew a close bond which helped ground me at times while I was navigating a very turbulent time in my life; with my mental health journey and my Saturn return.* I lost her in 2021 to kidney disease, we shared a short, but incredible six years together.

I often call to her, and ask her to watch over Pot Roast as her ancestor, mentor, and guardian; much like my relationship with my ancestors, my anito*. They guide me, along with my spirit guides, and the universe.

Lately, I’ve struggled with the enigma of “failure to launch.” My serious struggle to prioritize time to work on ANYTHING productive towards growing my creative career. I realized it was time for me to investigate those feelings and see what was bothering me so much. I had to ask myself, what is it that’s holding me back?…

My mental health journey had included the necessity to reprogram my brain: removing feelings of shame from my past, dismantling outdated, harmful, or negative beliefs, and beginning the process of “re-parenting myself".” At that time, I was also diagnosed with ADHD, which initiated the learning curve of discovering how to work with my brain. Something I’m still learning on a daily basis. This summer, I’ve been listening to illustrator and author, Andy J. Pizza’s, podcast Creative Pep Talk, more frequently. I find that his podcast has equipped me with more tools to add to my “neurospicy” repertoire, as he describes his personal experiences as well as interviewing other creatives with ADHD. I’ve appreciated hearing their journeys and methods that have helped them initiate their own creative practices.

My spiritual practice has me learning to live mindfully every day (some days are more of a struggle than others). But alongside that, continuously working on gentle parenting my inner child. Especially with the perspective that I was (once) a young girl who was moving through life with undiagnosed ADHD, and honoring the thought patterns and coping mechanisms I had developed over the years from facing those challenges. (I will likely expand on this in a future blog post.)

But, to get back to my question of, what is it that’s holding me back? Well, two of the shadows that have been showing up for me are: 1. Facing the discomfort of vulnerability being a creator entails (being SEEN). As an introvert this is truly terrifying to me. I don’t even like having Happy Birthday sung to me…and 2. ADHD based fears; feelings that are triggered by fear from working in a capitalistic social structure as a neurodivergent creator. AKA a fear of experiencing burnout again.

This year, I’m working on my resistance to leaning into the divine timing of things, and embracing all that the strength card has to teach me. I have been a student of Lindsay Mack with, (the) Tarot for the Wild Soul Podcast, their Heart of Service course. Their course is teaching us how to utilize our tarot decks as an anchoring tool while growing a creative business. Helping us to stay grounded so we can create businesses that are authentic to our true selves, and offering our services in a sustainable manner. Though we’re wrapping up soon on the live sessions, Lindsay has given all of the students lifetime access to the course materials, bless. I have found a lot of helpful chunks of wisdom I can apply to my every day, as well as listening to their podcast, which offers solace in many other ways. Sarah Faith Gottesdiener, the author of The Moon Book, is another mystic whose podcast Moonbeaming I listen to for wisdom. She and Lindsay, both, talk about how we encounter different seasons of our lives. By their terms, I’d say I’m working through a gestation period; one where I’m a sponge, soaking up the wisdom of my spiritual mentors, nature, paying attention to things that inspire me, and learning as much as I can until the time comes when I feel like everything is in flow. In the meantime, I’ve been checking in with my ego, acknowledging my triggers, and working on “slow productivity,” as Andy puts it.

Taking it one day at a time.

So I WILL be making things… but in my own time. If you’re reading this, thank you…I trust that we’ve created a judge-free zone here. Please look out for more in the future if you’d like to follow my creative journey.

The podcasts that I recommend above that have helped encourage, push, challenge, or validate me.


*when you are about 29 years old, Saturn returns to the part of the sky where it was when you were born.

- The Importance of Your Saturn Return in Astrology, Emily Trinkaus

https://www.tarot.com/astrology/saturn-return


*Anito noun ani·​to əˈnē(ˌ)tō: a spirit especially of an ancestor

Ashley Miller